if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
