just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize