I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
