Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize