just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
