One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
