If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You can't just leave with hair like that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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