So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
