Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize