my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
