walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
