Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
