Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
