i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm getting married
To pizza
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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