I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
