last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
