i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
