what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
