ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
