we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize