Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
