we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
