Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
