3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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