Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
