and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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