I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
