I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
