You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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