Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
