Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
