What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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