Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
