Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
