I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize