I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
