Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
