the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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