cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
