either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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