So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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