If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
