I must be too annoying 4 u.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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