My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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