What a fucking waste of an outfit
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
