My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
