He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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