So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
