you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
