Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
okay pat passed out under dana's car
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Someone signed my nipple.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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