I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
