we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
