dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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