i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize