I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
