Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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