who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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