3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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