I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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