i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think my moral compass just broke
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
