i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
