i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
