no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
