i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
