nut hugger
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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