So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
