she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
