i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
