Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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