someone threw a dead crab at me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
