I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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