My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
