i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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