so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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