I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The best revenge is premature balding
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
