Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why do cheetos always look like penises
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
