i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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