good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
