We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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