We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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