your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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