i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His hands were made for my vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
