Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
