My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize