Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
