I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
