So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
