I'm jealous of your bromance
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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