hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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