I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
