It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
