eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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