And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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