i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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