Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
