Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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