So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize