I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
