I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
