I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
