Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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