Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
