this beer tastes like vomit already
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Terrible idea I love it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
