If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize